Easter... Why am I writing about this when it was sooooo long ago? I've been meaning to write for some time, but it feels like I spend a ridiculous amount of time on the computer these days. I do work from home and often work at night after the kiddos are asleep, so I'm 99% positive that has something to do with it. After working, I literally just want to shut my computer off, which happens most days.
But not today. I've had a really discouraging week... past couple of weeks. Let's be honest here. I've been super emotional and feel as if I'm somehow muddling through my life right now. I haven't felt this way in a long, long, long time. Not since about November. So, it's really odd for me to feel like this. This feeling of despair and discouragement was one I felt all too frequently the past few years. I've hated every moment of being on the verge of tears and feeling lonely and sad. It usually lasts a few days and then I'm fine with things... it's just a continuous cycle. Well, it was a continuous cycle up until Nate's job turned around... miraculously. One day I'll go into the nitty gritty of it all, but not right now. I'll just simply say that seeing how he came to be at his new position gave me hope on things to come for our family. I realized God did have a plan for us and it was even sweeter than anything I could have imagined. But now, almost 6 months later, I am clinging to that hope. As I question that plan, I just have to think back to that day when some of our prayers were answered concerning Nate's job.
This will all tie in... I promise.
But jumping around to Easter this year. Easter was different, and I liked it. We actually colored Easter eggs this year. Holy crud did we color them. It started off quite emotionally for little Coco. She got a little enthusiastic and spilled some of the dye, but never fear. I had a tablecloth on the table and with the good help of some trusty paper towels, the spill was cleaned up in no time.
And as you can clearly see, we recovered from the spillage and coloring the eggs resumed as planned. Hallelujah! By the way, we use whisks to dye our eggs. Anyone else use whisks? If not, you should. I saw it on Pinterest a few years ago, and it saved me! It definitely made my life a leetle easier. :)
Now are dem eggs beautiful? Or "boo-full" as Coco would say...
We did most of our fun Easter festivities on Saturday. It was the Priesthood session, so Christie and Jess came over for an egg hunt and for dinner. We also invited our neighbors to join. It was a lot of fun with so many kiddos running around. There's this cute little Asian girl who lives in our neighborhood, and this was her first Easter egg hunt ever! It was priceless to watch her hunt for eggs.
On the actual day of Easter, we watched General Conference. It did feel somewhat strange to not be in church, but it was really cool to sit at home and listen to our church leaders. We did have little Easter baskets... nothing much was in them. I don't believe in going all out for Easter. In fact, I struggled getting the bike bell, Skip-It, and church books that were in the baskets. Easter is so sacred for me, and to add commercialization into it is really hard. But, kids are only little once, and in a few years, they will have grown out of wanting egg hunts and egg-filled candies, so I've compromised. They do get baskets, but mostly gospel centered items are in them. Boom.
A few weeks ago, we had a lesson about the Resurrection and planted Easter grass. This is something my mom has always done, and I wanted to continue on the tradition with my girls. We made a little "tomb" and the grass was going to grow on top of it and the tomb was going to be empty on Easter morning... and it just didn't happen.
Why? Cause I can't grow grass. We planted and watered and sat it by the sun, and n.o.t.h.i.n.g. And because I am lazy, I didn't even throw it away until a few days ago. But a few days after Easter, I was looking at the little bin of soil and rocks and was actually thinking of finally throwing it away when I noticed that 2 little strands of grass had grown right in front of our tomb.
Even though we couldn't see anything happening, these 2 little sprigs were growing, and out of nowhere, they appeared. They were so beautiful to me, I couldn't throw them away now! So, I sat them on the counter where I could see them often.
Every time I would look at them, I was reminded of the miracle of the Atonement and the love our Savior has for us. While we (and by "we" I mean "I"...) get discouraged because I can't see things happening or things aren't going how I planned them, or I'm angry with how long it is taking us to reach our goals and to progress, these 2 little blades of grass are the perfect reminder that God is working tiny miracles in our lives and those little miracles will "pop up" out of no where and will bless us.
I just can't give up yet. I just can't think about what my friends are doing, what my relatives are doing, or what society thinks I should be doing 9 years into marriage... I have to erase whatever ideas I have in my head about where I would like to be right now and focus on where God wants me to be.
I need to start following HIS plan, and not my own.
"Seek ye first the kingdom of God".
That is what I need to do. I need to stop focusing entirely on how clean my friggin' house is... or isn't. I need to stop moping about why we are still renting after 9 years of marriage. I need to stop wallowing in the fact that 99% of my friends are doing things and experiencing things that I just won't experience in this life. I need to stop comparing my life to theirs. I need to stop worrying about how long it's taking us to get money in savings, to get our credit cards paid off, on how long it'll take us to pay off our student loans. I need to stop feeling sorry for myself. That's what needs to happen.
I need to look outside myself and look around at all those who are less fortunate than me. I need to start serving more. I need to start spending more time in the scriptures and more time with my kids.
All while remembering those 2 blades of grass. All while remembering the Savior and His sacrifice.
I need to do that more. And I'm sure that as I start to shift my focus, I will overcome this discouragement. This fogginess that I'm in right now.
Why? Because it's what I've done before.
I have noticed that when I keep my eye on the Savior and my eye on my eternal goals rather than spend less time worrying about my temporal goals, things will fall into place.
