Christmas 2.0.1.3.

Christmas. It has come and gone, and I think I will forever remember this Christmas. Not because it was anything super special, but I know I will remember the feelings I've had this past year.

This Christmas was a very different one for us. It was the first one without any family. The past couple of years, my brothers and my parents have traveled up here and spent it with us, but this year it was just us. It was a lot harder on us than we anticipated. I get the most homesick around the holidays, knowing that everyone else is spending it together, and we're just up here.

But, I am grateful in a way, because Nate and I are able to establish our own traditions. We are able to do things the way we like them, and I really like that aspect of being up here. But this year, I couldn't listen to the song "I'll Be Home For Christmas" because it stung a little.

Christmas was a lot smaller for us. Yes, we did get our kids a Barbie Dreamhouse (and a couple of Barbies to go in it... I just couldn't have some of the hideous Barbies we own set foot in that dreamhouse!), but I got it on a very good deal, and that was pretty much all my kids got from us. There were the usual stocking stuffers like underwear, a new toothbrush, and a little necklace I found on clearance, but that was it. I got Nate a pie plate (it's what he wanted... I swear!) and he got me a little makeup organizer.

On Christmas Eve, we decorated sugar cookies, like we do every year. We also eat a humble dinner that consists of grilled cheese and tomato soup, to remind us of the Savior's humble circumstances surrounding His birth.

After we sent the girls to bed, I finished some last minute things, and Nate put together that dreamhouse. It was a sight to behold! I love that he is so involved in our girls' lives and that he wants to decorate cookies with them and set up their gifts and stocking stuffers. He even took all 3 girls out Christmas Eve to Target to get my gift! Now, that is a brave man!

No dreamhouse is complete unless it has Barbie and Midge. Look guys, these Barbie's are legit. They can bend at the knees and elbows, and even have real eye lashes. It made me a little jealous!

This dreamhouse is like the real deal. It has 2 elevators, the doorbell rings, the blowdryer makes noise, the toilet flushes, and it even has little tiny utensils for the Barbies to eat with! The girls loved it so much, that we made breakfast and ate while they played with it, and then we opened the rest of our gifts!

Santa brought Colbie a car (and that wasn't even going to happen until I was at Goodwill like 2 days before Christmas and found it for $5!) and some new shoes that cost a whopping $5. Yes, we spent a total of $10 on her this year. That's just how it goes sometimes. Oh, and pardon her bed head.

Here's the real reason why this Christmas has had such an effect on me... I'm not writing this because I want sympathy, and in fact it's really hard to admit that you are that dang poor, but the lessons I've learned have been astounding.

I used to hate the song "Little Drummer Boy". It really struck a nerve with me. But I was listening to it on the radio, and as I listened to the words, I realized that I had a lot in common with that little boy. This year, I have felt like I had nothing to give anyone that they couldn't just go buy themselves. We couldn't afford to do any Christmas for extended family and it broke my heart not to send anything, but we just couldn't do it. I would totally be up for giving a gift of service, but we are a million miles away, so that really wouldn't work.  All the money we spent on Christmas this year was earned from my Etsy sales, so we had a very meager budget to work with, and it was all we could do to even provide a little something for our kids.

I also had to teach the Sunday before Christmas, and I was a nervous wreck. First, I'm not really a teacher. I haven't really learned how to teach, and I usually contribute by playing a musical number, so I get super nervous when I have to teach (which isn't very often, thank goodness!). In preparation for my lesson, I read and reread the nativity story over and over and discovered lessons in it that have become very tender to me. The first being of the Innkeeper. I know I have shut Christ out this year. I have been mad and bitter and angry and unwelcoming of any sort of Spirit. I know that not finding time to feel the Spirit and listen to what my Heavenly Father wants me to do has been a source of my misery and for  the past couple of months, I really haven't cared. I have been miserable, and I have wanted to stay that way. But, life is not meant to be lived in misery, and step by step, little by little, I am trying to do my part so that I can have Christ in my life. I don't want to shut Him out.

The second lesson was from the shepherds. There were some shepherds that couldn't go and see the Christ-child, but they heard about it from other witnesses and they knew that it was real. I have never seen God or Jesus, but I know Joseph Smith did and I know that our prophet today is in communication with them. As mad/bitter/andgry/sad/resentful I want to be, I know it's real. I know Christ walked this earth and I know that He performed miracles, and I need to be more like those humble shepherds.

The third lesson was from the 3 Kings, or Wisemen. Their journey to the Savior was a long one. It took them a few years, and I'm sure there were times when they wanted to turn back. But, they continued on, following that star. I feel like my journey to Christ this year has been a long one. It has been bumpy, uncomfortable, and I'm still not there. But like the wisemen, I have a star. My path is before me, and if I follow that star, there will be the Savior waiting at the end of it.

One of the final lessons I have learned is from Mary. I love the song "Breath of Heaven" by Amy Grant and have listened to it about 60-70 times this past month. I can't imagine the loneliness Mary faced, being pregnant with God's son, and especially when she wasn't married. Pregnancy is so hard and so taxing, and it just takes everything out of you, and then to travel on a donkey into a city, and to be rejected over and over when trying to find a place to stay, and then to finally deliver your baby in a stable, of all places. I'm sure she called on Heavenly Father many times over to carry her through. One of my favorite phrases in the song is "I offer all that I am, for the mercy of Your plan". Mary's burden wasn't a bad one. She gave herself and her life to raise the Savior. I can't imagine the difficulties she had to endure even after He was born, but she really did offer all that she had, and still had burdens to bear.

Nate and I feel like we are giving all that we have. We have 2 major callings in our ward to fulfill, and trying to serve in those callings has been a challenge for us. Sunday nights, I meet for Relief Society, he has YM on Tuesday nights, some Wednesdays I have RS meetings, every other Thursday he has to go to ward council, and every other Thursday, I go on visits for RS, and in between all that there are ward activities, campouts, the dance festival, visiting teaching, feeding the missionaries, attending missionary discussions,  I play the organ every 3 months, he is responsible for the Sacrament each week, we pick people up for church and drop them off, are asked to watch people's kids during the week, or to take meals to families, I'm asked to play for musical numbers, he has Round Table stuff for scouts to attend to, monthly scout committee meetings, and his YM presidency meetings to organize and host at our house, and in the mix we are trying to manage our 3 girls and all that comes with taking care of them, Nate's job, his new job search, my Etsy store, and teaching piano...

Yes, our callings have been major trials in our lives this year on top of our temporal challenges that we've been facing. But if God gave the mother of His son trials, I can expect to have some as well. But how did she handle her burdens? I'm sure she was a lot more graceful in handling them than I've been.

I don't know why God is testing us with our callings right now. I don't know why we are here, an eternity away from our family, and why we've been put into this position of having Nate as YM President, and me as Relief Society Secretary. To be honest, I have greatly doubted this plan. I have doubted God's wisdom, and have come dangerously close to just calling it quits and going inactive. Really, that would be the easy way to do things. Stop paying tithing? Temporal trial solved. Stop serving in the church? Stress lowered.

Stop believing in God's plan and just live life the way I want to? Trust me, the thought has crossed my mind more times than I care to admit...  But then I've let Satan win, and I can't let that happen. I just can't. Why?

Because the story of the Nativity is one about miracles. It's about hope and a pure love. I believe in miracles. I've had several happen to me the past few weeks. The few times I have prayed this past month, they have been directly answered. I am clinging to my hope because we really have nothing else. Just like those wisemen who journeyed for months and months, I will continue my journey to Christ. It doesn't end here.

The gift I most want for my children is the gift of my testimony. I want them to know that I serve because I want to be more like my Savior. I want them to know that I've had to work through some terrible feelings, but I haven't worked through them alone. I want them to know that when I lay awake at night and plead with my Father in Heaven for relief to come, that He has heard my prayers. How do I know that? Because I hear my children in the middle of the night. I hear their little sniffles and coughs and stirrings, and I am aware of them constantly. So my Heavenly Father is with me.

I love the scripture in Luke where it says "But Mary kept all these things and pondered them in her heart."
After much pondering, I know the steps I need to take to let Christ back into my life and into my heart. I know that He is waiting for me, loving me for who I am.

And that is the gift I have been given this Christmas season.

Colbster is 1!

Yeah, this cute little stink turned 1 year old.

How dare she?

We had a small little party for her...

Her BFF, Piper, came... 

as well as her fave guys, Uncle Austin and Uncle Steve.

Austin serves as the Secretary in YM for Nate, and he takes Colbie every week during church for us. He even bought her a little taggie elephant for her birthday!

Steve is Austin's dad, and if Austin can't take Colbie, Steve does.

We just love them!

The Hadlock's came too, but sadly, I didn't get any pictures of them. :(

We had a little cake and ice cream and watched her open her presents.

She was spoiled with lots of presents from Grammie and Opa, and Grandma and Grandpa.

 

But the best part was watching her eat the cake.

At first she just looked at her slice,

then all of a sudden she picked up the whole thing and just went to town!

She finished off 2 slices of cake and 2 cupcakes.

It. Was. Awesome.

Colbie is loved by so many. 

She is so pleasant and fun...

It's been fun to see her little fiesty personality evolve.

She knows what she wants and when she wants it.

And she also knows how to tease. 

I can't believe that she is growing up so fast. 

This year has been such a hard one for me, but she's my little beacon of light. 

When I hug or or kiss her, all my cares just melt away.

Happy Birthday Miss Colbie Anne.

We can't wait to see what this next year brings for you.

Love him...

I've got a lot on my plate right now, a lot on my mind, and a lot to deal with. I don't even know where to start to describe our life these days, and anything I describe will not do justice to the mass chaos that is our life. 

But, I will start off by saying just how blessed I am to have this man by my side. For 8 years, we have weathered some storms, but nothing like this past year has brought. The trials and hard times that have come this year have nearly knocked us off our feet, and we both feel like we are barely above water... but at least we are holding hands and barely staying afloat TOGETHER. 

I am so grateful that Nate and I have an honest and open communication. Over the past few weeks a lot of raw feelings and emotions over some things have surfaced, and we just seem to be clinging to each other. It's amazing how we have had our highs and our lows, but at different times. When I feel like I'm starting to swim, he expresses some of his doubts and fears, and I'm able to carry us. When I'm feeling low and like I'm sinking, he just gathers me up in his arms and lets me sob until my eyes are completely swollen, and he tells me that we'll make it through. 

I never thought we would be in this place. And when I say "this place" I mean this emotional state. We have had some heavy discussions and have questioned some things that I never thought we would question. 

As we sort through our life right now, and as we are trying to balance everything that's on our plate right now, I can say that I just love him. 

 I love that he understands that managing 3 kids is hard and that maybe our house won't be clean all the time.
I love that he doesn't expect gourmet meals every night and that he's okay with quesadillas or pancakes.
I love that puts up with all my projects that completely consume our kitchen table for weeks at a time.
I love his humility.
I love his sense of humor.
Like the time he showed me this.
I love that we are perfectly content staying home and watching our favorite shows.... from comedies (Brooklyn Nine-Nine) to dramas (Parenthood) to reality shows (Shark Tank).

Nate really is my rock. And I just love him.

Long Time, No Blog

I think this is the longest I have gone without blogging. Ugh. Not "ugh" that I feel like I have to blog, just "ugh" that I've neglected to post about what's going on in our lives.... Frankly, I don't have time to go into all the deets, but here's a quick little rundown of the past couple of months...


Halle turned 4 years old! It was such a fun day to celebrate such a spunky little girl. She wanted a Monster's Inc cake, so I found one that I could replicate from Pinterest. We were lucky enough to have Nate's sister, Jenn, and her family here for the special occasion. Jenn and I stayed up super late making decorations, but it was a lot of fun! We just sat and chatted the night away.... I couldn't think of a better way to get ready for Halle's little celebration. She received a bunch of Brave stuff, which all the kids loved. Halle and Merida remind me a lot of each other. Very spunky, strong willed, and free-spirits. I still can't believe she is 4 years old.

While the Johnson's were here, we went a number of places... the beach, Grilled Cheese Bus, lots of Goodwills, and we also went to Multnomah Falls. I had never been there before, and it's absolutely gorgeous! The Johnson's stayed for a week (Yay!!! Last time, it was only for a couple of days, so we were so excited to have so much time with them!) and it was fun to mostly just sit and talk!

Colbie turned 10 months old! She finally started crawling and standing up. Her little personality is starting to shine through, and we are discovering that she is somewhat of a little diva. Sometimes I wonder what happened to my sweet, chubby, easy-going baby? Oi. This girl can pout, throw tantrums, stare you down, and she loves to be right in the middle of her sisters.... especially when they are playing! She keeps herself busy by causing all sorts of commotion, but she's so stinking cute that we love her anyway.

Nate ran the Warrior Dash with his man pal, Jeremy. They looked like they had a lot of fun... You can't tell by their faces.... but, I'm sure they did. :)

Ava started Kindergarten! She has been so dang excited to start school... and I can tell that she is going to just blossom in school. She gets to ride the bus, so she gets picked up at 8:00 a.m. and dropped off at about 11:15 a.m. Halle has preschool on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, so it's just me and Colbie some mornings. And after years of having lots of kids home, it's weird to have a couple of mornings to myself. I have been going to the church to exercise... so that's been nice. And sometimes, I just need to go shopping alone (with Colbie of course... but she's easy to take shopping. She just sits in her carseat!) so I skip exercise group.... 

Back onto topic... Ava starting school. Her friends Emerson and Max are in her class, and I think that's made things a little easier for all of them. Getting the hang of this whole school thing is kinda hard and weird, and I'm not sure what to think about some things. I mean, communication between the teacher and me is based on 6 year old, so sometimes things get a little muggy. Although Ava is a pretty smart girl, she can get her facts a little messed up when trying to tell me things that have happened at school, or things she is supposed to be doing... but we just gotta roll with the punches.

She is already talking about next year when she gets to stay all day at school and can eat lunch there...

Wow.

Early in October, I ran the Neon Run 5k with some people from my ward. My New Year's Resolution was to complete a 5k... and I did it! In 34 minutes! I have been running this whole summer, and have worked my little (big?) toosh off... and it felt so good to accomplish my resolution. I was a little nervous because I haven't been able to run since school started since I can't go to the track anymore, and I didn't know if I would be able to run the whole way. But right before school started, I ran 5k just around my neighborhood, so I knew that I could do it. 

About half a mile into the run, one of the ladies said she needed to walk. She has bad knees and also had a head cold, so I don't blame her... but I just had to keep running. I felt bad for leaving everyone in the dust, but I couldn't stay and walk with them... not when I had worked so hard!

Thankfully, they understood. 

I definitely want to do another 5k again, or even a 10k... but let's not get ahead of myself!

In mid-October, I flew home to Utah for my cousin's wedding. I also went up to Idaho to visit my great-grandma one last time. She has been put on hospice, and they are just taking comfort measures for her now. I felt it was really important for Colbie to meet her and get one last picture of this amazing lady who has impacted my life so deeply. She knew who my girls were and she was excited to see them! She had just had her hair done and nails done, and she looked so beautiful. She asked if we would sing her some Primary songs, and as we did, I could hear her singing the words along with us. It was a perfect way to end this earthly relationship with her. 

While in Utah, I went to Gardner Village with Nate's sister, mom, and sister-in-law. I took these darling (well, at least I think they're darling) pictures of the girls...

And shortly after we got back from Utah, we celebrated Ava's 6th birthday! Since her birthday was on a Saturday, her kindergarten class sang to her on Friday. She got a special crown and ribbon and felt pretty darn important. Saturday morning, she woke up and asked for cake batter pancakes. Yum!

She also requested a beach cake. Well, she really wanted a Mike Wazowski cake, but I didn't have any green food coloring, so we looked through Pinterest... and that was a mistake. She had her sights set on cakes with 4 tiers and oodles of fondant... and this momma wasn't up for making such a cake. Let me tell you, Pinterest can be a blessing, but it can also bring you down. I felt like I was totally incompetent as a mother because I wasn't doing all these fun things for her birthday, and she wasn't going to have a party with fun candies in candy jars, and lots of balloons, and photo booths, and water bottles with cute little labels....

But I did the best I could and we decided on a beach cake.  Maybe I would have put in more effort with a party and a cake if I had not just been to Utah for a week, and I was busy getting Halloween costumes ready for the ward party (which was the night of Ava's party... which she wet her pants at the ward party and therefore deemed her 6th birthday as the worst birthday ever... I don't blame her. After she came to me, as I was starting to get dinner from the line, we went to the bathroom, and she was soaking wet. I stripped her down, threw away the underwear, and wrapped her skirt in a huge wad of paper towels. I had gone as a marathon runner, so I was wearing some shorts over some leggings, so I took the shorts off and safety pinned them so they were snug on her. It actually looked kinda like a skirt, but my sobbing 6 year old wasn't going to have any of that. And yes she was commando. And that was awkward.... Nate wasn't going to have her go completely commando, even though she was covered by the make-shift skirt... so we went to the bathroom once more, and I strapped on one of Colbie's diapers... and it was tight! But all was well by the end of the night because one of my good friend's had Ava go up on stage, and the ward sang Happy Birthday to her. Whew! Crazy night!)

Back to the cake.

I thought it turned out pretty cute, and I even made the little umbrellas myself!

Like I said, the ward party was that night. Halle went as Merida... and she looked so stinking cute in that wild, curly wig!

Ava was a cowgirl...

And Colbie was the cutest darn little Indian you have ever seen. She had authentic moccasins and all.

And last but not least, we have been enjoying some beautiful weather up here in the Great Northwest. Seriously, it is indescribable the beauty that is found here. 

The colors are just so vivid and bright. The leaves are ginormous, and I love the mornings because they are a little foggy and damp, and it feels like I'm camping. You know when you're camping and you walk out of the tent, and the world is quiet, and you can smell the trees and feel the crisp cool air?

That's what I experience every morning when I walk Ava to the bus stop.

'Til next time, folks. And let's not make it another 2 months, eh?

Ryan and Jayme Came To Town

August was a busy month. Tons of visitors. Tons of stuff to do.... whoa. We've already talked about Margeaux and Eldon coming and the ward campout... well the Tuesday after the ward campout, Ryan and Jayme came into town. They live near Washington D.C. and flew out to Seattle for a friend's wedding, and they took the train down to Portland to spend an evening with us. Awe, how nice! 

Nate picked them up from the train station (yep, they took the train down here. How fun!) and drove them to our house where they were able to meet Colbie and see our girls after a couple of years... Yes, a couple of years. I guess that's what happens when we live on opposite sides of the country...

They took us out to dinner to a fabulous place here in Beaverton called Decarlie. It was super fancy (for us it was... we're used to Arby's cuisine around here.) and had a simply delicious dinner.

I had this crazy Caesar Salad, and I loved how it was plated. Beautiful.

And we tried mussels for the first time. They were delish, and it was fun eating them. Just the week before, we went to Cannon Beach and saw several rocks covered in mussels, so it was really cool to see them cooked and to finally be able to taste them!

For the life of me, I couldn't get  a decent pic of Ryan and Nate. Ryan's a little blurry in this one. Oops.

We went back to our place and just chatted. Nate then drove them to their hotel,and that was that. Yes, it was a short and simple visit, but we are just grateful for any time we get to spend with family!

Right after the Gomez family left, we started preparing for our ward campout. Nate had graciously volunteered to buy all the food for it, so we were kinda busy getting back to real life + buying food for the campout + packing for the campout + normal every day life. 

I have to tell you... I was overly slightly skeptical about our campout. It was to be held at one of the ward member's family dairy farm near the coast. Yes, you read that right, a freaking dairy farm. I was not super excited about spending a night in a pasture where cows had done their business, and I did not want to smell the cows either. But, since Jess was in charge of the ward campout, and Nate had volunteered to buy the food, I had no choice but to go.

Bleh.

After frantically packing all day Friday, and running around like nobodies business, we were finally ready to head out around 5 pm. It took us about an hour and a half to get there, and the scenery was absolutely breathtaking. 

I took this photo with my phone on the drive up there, and I didn't edit it whatsoever. 

I never tire of the scenery Oregon has to offer...

And you can imagine my pleasant surprise when we pulled up, and this is what the "dairy farm" looked like...

It smelled wonderful, and come to find out, they had kicked the cows out of the pasture 2 weeks before, so it was literally just a big, green, luscious field of beautifulness.

We quickly set up our tent, had some delish dutch oven fajitas (pronounced fudge-I-tuhs... hee hee hee) courtesty of the Bills family, and enjoyed a pleasant fireside by the light of the fire.

The girls went to bed super quick, and we were able to stay up until about 1:30 just chatting with some of our nearest and dearest friends.

That night, I seriously slept awesome. I mean, I haven't ever slept that well in a tent. I wasn't too hot or too cold, I didn't toss and turn, Colbie slept the whole night... it was wonderful!

As sticking with tradition, on Saturday morning, the bishopric cooked us breakfast.

Have you ever had French Toast Croissants? 

H.E.A.V.E.N.!

And I tried to take a lovely pic of me and ma besties, Jess and Karisa...

But Nate and Dan staged this lovely photo bomb for us.

Gotta love these two responsible men... hee hee hee.

For breakfast, Halle carried around her silverware in her pocket. It was so stinking cute!

The rest of the day, we just played games while the kids explored.

It was really nice not being in an actual campsite, and not having to worry about leaving at a certain time.

This gave us time to pretty much do whatever we wanted to.

Plus, there wasn't any other campers that we could disturb, so the kids were free to roam!

Here is Halle with her friends, Brooke and Kenna.

We were by the creek, and the kids loved tossing rocks into it.

Colbie loved sitting in this chair!

Blackberries grow like a weed up here in Oregon, so we went and explored the berry bushes. It was just amazing to see nature at her finest!

And of course, Colbie and Piper were by each other's side...

I feel like the campout just ended too soon. I honestly wished that it could have lasted another day! I know, funny how I was put in my place! 

I think I loved it so much because there wasn't a lot of dirt, there was 3 port-a-potties which were all super clean because it was just our ward that had used them, none of the kids fought, it was the perfect temperature, we had delicious food, and of course I was surrounded by my ward family, who I have just grown to love with all my heart!

Until next year....