Don't You Quit

     Oh, how I love Elder Holland. He always seems to say just what I need to hear. Don't you quit. I have repeated that phrase to myself at least a million times this past month. Don't you quit. Don't give up. There have been many days where I have literally dragged myself out of bed. I've gotten out of bed, but I haven't gotten ready. I walk around in a bathrobe, and go through the motions. I don't know why things have seemed so hard lately, they just have. I can't tell you how many times I have just wanted to throw my hands in the air and say, "Forget it". But then this little phrase pops into my head. Don't you quit. And I know that somehow, I must keep going. 

     Awhile back, I was getting ready for church. I kept thinking to myself, "Why haven't we had hard trials like other people? We are healthy, no one has died, no one has severe medical problems, I just don't get it... maybe the Lord doesn't think we're strong enough to have trials..." I finished getting ready for church, and while Relief Society was beginning, no one sat by me. Normally this isn't a big deal. I am fine sitting by myself, and have done it many times before. But for some reason, it really hurt that everyone else had friends, and I had no one to sit by. As Relief Society began, it hurt so bad that I just started to sob and my heart literally felt like it was torn, but I just couldn't stop sobbing. I hurried up and ran to the bathroom and just thought, "Don't you quit. Don't give up. You keep your chin up." As I wiped away my tears, I realized that my trial right now is not that of having a medically needy child or spouse. It's not that we are financially destitute or marriage problems... nothing of that sort. My trial right now is more of an emotional one. It's feeling like I am a million miles away from anything that is familiar. It's having emotionally rough days, and not being able to have grandma come and take my kids so that I can have a breather. It's having to step completely out of my comfort zone and do things that I normally wouldn't do. 

     I knew that living far away from family would be difficult, but I didn't think it would be this difficult. I have never had "home sickness" before, and it's a strange feeling to have. I feel as if all my memories from Utah are a million years away. Do people think about me? Do people miss me like I miss them? Are we remembered? It's crazy how our relationships with our friends and family have changed. With the exception of my mom, it's pretty safe to say that every relationship has become a "surface" one. We talk to other family members, but it's not much more than a "Hi, how was your week...". We are the last to know things, if we even find out about things at all, and that hurts. I don't know why, but it just does.
     It's also hard because people in Utah don't know about my life here. They don't know where Bany Road is, or that Target's in Tanasbourne, which is up 185th. They don't know who Jessica is or why she has a cute  kid. I feel as if I have two separate lives... my Utah life and my Oregon life. To say that I'm struggling with this adjustment would be an understatement. I have good days, and I have some pretty cruddy days...  But you know what, there's been some amazing things happen as the result of it. For one thing, Nate and I have grown closer than we ever have. As I was sobbing on his shoulder one night, he just looked at me and said, "You know what, we can either grow apart, or grow closer together, and we have definitely grown closer together." He's right. Since we only have each other, it is essential that we communicate openly and honestly.   Our kids have a strict bedtime of 7:30 so that Nate and I can have alone time. Since we don't have the opportunity to get out on dates very much (uh, babysitters cost a fortune!), we have had to "date" each other after the girls go to bed. We usually spend it watching a TV show or playing Words With Friends against each other, but we spend the time together.
     We have also found that we need alone time. He plays basketball a couple of times a week, and goes fishing 2 or 3 times a month with some friends, and I have recently joined an orchestra, and go to girls' nights every so often. He needs time to himself, away from me and the kids, and I need time away from him and the kids.
     We have quickly learned that our ward family is now our family. The first week I was up here, Jessica (remember the striped shirt girl? That's her. She gave me permission to use her name. Hee hee...) reached out and took me under her wing. She is super crafty, so we clicked instantly. She has become my closest friend here, and the other night, we stayed up until 4 a.m. just talking. We think a lot alike, so she understands me. I have also made another close friend in the ward. Her name is Christie, and we recently merged our two crafty blogs into one blog, Pops and Podge. We were lucky to move into a really fantastic ward, and we have met amazing people. I am confident that, with time, we will gain some really close friends.  The way the church functions here is a little different, and it has taken some getting used to. While the doctrine is the same, and the lessons are the same, the way people do things are a little different. It's hard to explain, so I'm not even going to try, but it has taken a few months to shift from "Utah LDS mode" to "Oregon LDS mode".
     Most importantly, Nate and I are learning that we truly do need the Lord daily. I recently read an article in the Ensign titled "Recognizing God's Hand In Our Daily Blessings".  It helped me to realize just how truly blessed we are, and that they Lord hasn't forgotten us. I have truly needed the Lord to strengthen me and to lift me up. Our girls have been sick pretty much since October. They've had terrible colds and coughs, and it seems that when one is getting better, the other starts getting a cold. In January, I finally took the girls to the doctor and she said they had allergies and gave them meds. Then Halle got Bronchitis. Then Halle got croup. Then Ava was sick. Then I was sick. Then a couple of days ago, they got a 24 hr. puking bug. It has literally drained me of any energy I have. They just cough and cough all night so I don't sleep and our days and nights have become so mixed up. However, I would take the puking bug over a cold that lasts a couple of weeks.
     When I have become too tired to function, too tired to cook, too tired to do laundry, I have knelt many times, and asked for the Lord to lift me up, to give me strength, and to comfort me. And you know what? He has provided many small miracles that have literally saved me. To remember that the Lord loves me daily, I have started a little journal. As I lay down to go to sleep, I think about my day, and ask myself "How have I seen the Lord's hand in my life today?" It's a simple question, but it helps me to remember that I am loved. Here are some of the ways I have seen, just in the past couple of months. Keep in mind that they are small, and many insignificant, but have had tremendous healing powers on my soul: watching Halle pet a cat, going over to our friends house, having cool air outside so that Halle could sleep well, having Nate cook dinner for me, watching Halle make faces in front of the mirror, having a great husband and friends who support me (I helped plan a ward dance, and they all came to support me. Isn't that great?), having the Spirit testify that God lives and He appeared to Joseph Smith, being able to talk to my sweet grandma, being able to have a TV so we could watch movies while the girls were sick...
     While I feel overwhelmed at times, I know that I am being watched over. While this is harder than anything I have experienced in a long time (remember my crazy pregnancy and labor with Halle? Well, that's the reason I don't want to have another baby for awhile... I can't bring myself to go through that again... and it's probably the hardest thing, physically and mentally, I've ever had to deal with), I know that we are growing. Nate and I are growing as husband and wife, and I am growing as a mother, friend, and daughter. So, I won't quit. I won't give up. I will keep my chin up. I will trust in God and know that good things are to come.

Just Want To Freeze Time

     I just want to freeze time.

Seriously.

My girls are at such a fun stage, 

and they are constantly doing and saying things that make me giggle.

I love that I can go outside with just my purse, 

and I don't have to carry a carseat, stroller, huge diaper bag,

or worry about blowouts, spit up, or naps.

I'm sure one day, I'll yearn to have a big diaper bag and carseat,

but not today.

I love just grabbing a couple of diapers and wipes and heading out the door.

Why do I want to freeze time?

1. Halle's language.

She has started to talk in sentences, but she gets them all mixed up.

A couple of nights ago, she threw up on her blanket, so I had to throw it in the wash.

She was quite upset... she was tired, sick, miserable, and just wanted her blankie.

She kept asking me, "Mama, where my blankie is? Mama, blow nose me. Where blankie is me?"

I love that she doesn't call me Mom or Mommy. It's always Mama.

At the dinner table, Halle just randomly said,

"Eva, Halle, Mama, Dad.....MMMMMMMarriage!"

(P.S. She also calls Ava "Eva")

She's also been learning about "gulls" and "boyees".

I'm a gull, Eva is a gull, and Halle is a gull. Dad is a boyee.

When I asked her what Dad is, she said, "She's a boyee".

She also says phrases like:

"I tooted out my tongue!" meaning she burped.

"You stinker-butt! Uh! I say s-word!"

Today we had the following conversation:

Me: I'm the mommy, so you need to listen to me.

Halle: I'm Bob.

What? Bob? So I was putting her down for her nap, and I found out where Bob came from...

Me: Good night, Bob.

Halle: Yeah, me Bob. Er-crebbles.

Ah yes... she wants to be Bob from Incredibles, her fave movie. Makes sense.

2. Ava's phrasing...

She has said the following recently:

"I have no idea how to keep my eyes open!"

"Is the box elder bug looking for boxes?"

"I have a headache from all the stuff we did at preschool. 

But I think it'll go away by itself if I just stay awake."

"I need to focus on drawing my 2's"

Ava has also started reading this past week. 

She's known for awhile what sounds all the letters make, and when I would have her sound out a word, it just wouldn't make sense to her. But one day we were sitting at the table, and she spelled c-a-t. It's like a lightbulb just turned on, and blending the sounds clicked. She can spell bed, and, dog, cat, Pam, sit, in, and is.

3. Looking at how beautiful they are...

 They love playing our iPods. They have figured out how to delete songs from our playlists, 

email people, put random stuff on Facebook, and that's just the tip of the iceburg!

 It's not often Halle snuggles, and I just couldn't resist taking a picture!

 Ava has started making "toast". She pulls a piece of bread out of the cupboard,

slaps a glob of butter, spreads some jelly, and then licks the knife.

 Seriously, what's not to love about this picture?

First off, Halle makes this face quite often, and it's a riot.

Secondly.... she got into my mascara... enough said.

And remember how Halle is destined to be a gymnast?

I found her just standing like this the other day.

She acted as if it was the most natural way to stand... don't you stand like that?

I am so grateful for blogs and cameras. While I can't physically freeze time,

I can capture these precious moments and look back and giggle.

Conversations with my Grandma

My grandma holding Ava

     Yesterday I had the most amazing conversation with my great-grandma. We didn't really talk about anything special, but somehow she manages to make even the ordinary things special. After I was done talking to her, I realized just how blessed I am to be almost 28 years old and still have a great-grandma alive. Not only is she alive, but she's able to talk to me and ask me questions about Ava and Halle and Nate.

     We often exchange cards, and I sent her some Valentine's Day cards from the girls. Since she is going blind, she no longer writes, so she called me. She called during nap time, so my phone was on silent, but when I saw I had missed her call, I immediately called her back. She picked up the phone and said, "Where have you been the past hour?" I had to laugh because she is still quite witty. She asked me how we were liking Oregon and asked details about Nathan's job, and how big the girls are. She was quite curious as to how big our ward was and how far we had to drive to church. She asked about my apartment and if I had enough appliances. We talked about cooking (she explained to me how she poaches an egg. She learned it a few years ago from watching a cooking show on TV), and we talked about how we like to eat our cucumbers. 

     When I was little, Grandma and her husband would drive to Salt Lake and they would be camp hosts all summer long. We would go and stay in their camp trailer, and I remember the foods she would make. She would make salad with little shrimp in it, and she would also make some yummy creamed peas. But what I remember most (and I've actually been craving them lately) was how she would make cucumbers in vinegar. I have tried several times to do it just the way she did, but could never get it right. I asked her for the recipe, and she told me she just throws a few things in. She told me it's important to slice the cucumbers thinly, add apple cider vinegar (not the distilled stuff) and put enough sugar in it to sweeten it. She also told me that one of her favorite snacks is a sliced up cucumber with just a little salt in it.

     She was able to talk to Ava, and as she did, I got teary eyed. I was able to watch my little girl talk to her great, great-grandma. Not many people can say that. I love that Ava asks about her and that she knows who her great, great-grandma is. 

     My grandma asked if I still played the violin, and I told her I had actually just auditioned for an orchestra and made it in as one of the violinists. She told me, "You know that you are still going to play for me at my funeral. Of course I won't be there in person, but I'll be there in Spirit. Did you know that Vance's (her current husband) daughter made a beautiful white dress for my doll? When I die, I want that doll to go in the casket with me so that I don't have to spend the night alone in the mortuary. Of course I don't want to be buried with the doll, I just don't want to be alone that night." She loves dolls and collects them, and so it would only be fitting that her most prized doll would spend the night with her. My grandma also hates to be alone, so her doll would make the perfect companion.

     As she talked about her funeral, I couldn't hold back the tears. I don't ever want to think of having to play at her funeral. I know that it's part of life, and I should be expecting it, but there will be a hole in my heart the day she leaves this earth.
     I cherish every word from her. For years, I have saved every card she has sent me, never knowing if it's going to be her last. I have made the trek up to Idaho as many times as I possibly could, just to spend a few hours with her.
     This is why I'm so grateful for the gospel. I know that her death isn't the end, and that I will see her again. I am so grateful for eternal families, and that I am sealed to her. I can't think of anything more wonderful than to know that the relationships I have and cherish on this earth will continue on into the next. 

{Valentine's Day}

     We had such a wonderful Valentine's Day. After Ava went to preschool, we headed over to Papa's Pizza for a little Valentine's party me and my friend were throwing. (FYI, we go to Papa's Pizza every other Tuesday. We meet up around noon, and we stay til about 5:00. Why Tuesdays? They have a special that if you buy an adult pizza buffet, kids eat free. The girls and I get endless salad bar, pizza, and breadsticks for just $7.75. Plus, there is a giant play structure that is in a separate room that the kids play in for hours.... I get to chit chat with my friends and work on projects while the kids play their little guts out. It's pure bliss.) Since our every other Tuesday landed on V-Day, we decided to have a little party.

     Ava and Halle made foam invitations from a little kit my mom gave them. They loved making their Valentine's, and I think they turned out pretty darn cute!

    **On a little side note, these are Valentine's that we made for our family. It was fun to have the girls thumbprint every Valentine, and I thought it would fun for the family to have just a little piece of the girls on Valentine's Day.

     Back to the Valentine's Day party... I made red velvet cupcakes with either jam or a Hershey kiss in the center of each cupcake.

     Everyone ate lunch before the party, and the moms just sat and chit chatted for a minute.

     On another side note.... These two gals are two of my favorite people. The one in the striped shirt has become one of my very good friends. When I first moved in, she was the first one to make a special effort to invite me to things, and I would literally be lost without her! The one in the maroon colored sweater has recently moved up here to Utah so her husband can attend medical school. All three of us don't have any family close by, so we've sort of become each other's family.

     This is another one of my good friends. She has a crafty blog, just like I do, and we have decided to combine our blogs into just one blog. I actually serve on the Enrichment committee with her and the gal in the striped shirt above. (Sorry, I don't want to give out their names, since I don't have their permission.)

 
 Again, back to the party. WE had each kid decorate a paper bag with stickers. The bag was for their Valentine's to go in.

     This is Mr. E. He is the striped shirt gal's son, and one of my girls' very best friends. Isn't he just a stud?

     Halle didn't really care for decorating a bag, she just wanted to have a sucker. She absolutely looooovvvveeees suckers, and would eat them all day if she had the chance!

     Another one of our friends made these delicious cookies out of cake mix! I seriously ate like 5 or 6 of them. Yes, they were that good!

     After the party, the other moms went home, but my two other friends (the striped shirt gal and maroon sweater gal) and I stayed and talked.  While I was driving home, we had the most beautiful sunset. We don't get sunsets too often since the sky is usually filled with gray clouds, so I just had to take a picture!

     When I got home, Nate was making lasagna for "his girls". Nate always refers to us as "my girls", and I just love that he does that. We ate by candlelight and had strawberries dipped in chocolate for dessert.
     It was a perfect Valentine's Day.

Ava's Photography Skills

I was uploading my pictures, 

and I came across some pretty crazy pictures...

I quickly figured out that Miss Ava must have gotten a hold of my camera

and snapped some pics....

So here's what life is like through the eyes of a four year old.

Rood Bridge Park

     The weather has been absolutely gorgeous the past couple of weeks! Temperatures have been about 50-60 degrees, and the sun has been out and shining. Needless to say, we have spent almost every possible moment at the park.

     One of our favorite parks is Rood Bridge Park. 

We love it because there is a bigger playground for the big kids, and a little playground for little kids.

Ava has been learning how to do the monkey bars, and she usually makes it about halfway across before she drops... I'm so proud of her!

Halle loves to swing, but she wasn't really in the mood to have her picture taken.

One of the reasons I love this park is the scenery. There is this gorgeous little pond,

and you can take a little walk around it.

It has been a pretty mild winter, and

having this gorgeous weather has given me spring fever.... 

Let's keep our fingers crossed that it stays nice!

Saturday Mornings

   

     Nate has been going fishing the past couple of Saturdays, and it leaves me the day to do whatever I want to with my girls. While I get ready for the day, they usually get some books and read quietly.
     I love looking out from my bathroom and seeing them turning the pages, or reading to themselves. I get a little choked up every time I look at them because they are just so stinking cute. Most of the time, their personalities clash, and they fight, but there are moments where it is completely peaceful, and I just want to soak it up.

She's Got Hair!

 Halle was pretty much bald up when we moved to Oregon. Since about her 2nd birthday, her hair has thickened up a ton, and I think it's safe to say she has some pretty crazy hair. It has a little curl in it, but it just goes every direction known to man. Most days, she will sit still long enough for me to get a comb into it, but there are some days when she actually lets me do it.... and then she pulls the pig tails out before naptime... *sigh*. 

But to prove that she actually has hair, I have been documenting it....

Cute curls...

Crazy bedhead...

She just wasn't happy with me taking her picture.

   

Here is what her hair looks like most of the time.

It fits her little personality...

Little piggies...

And yesterday, I did a full-blown hairstyle.

She looked so stinking cute and grown up. 

Where has my little baby gone?

Buying A Home

     After a lot, and I mean A LOT, of deliberation and prayer, Nate and I decided it was time to look for a home. It was kind of a hard decision to come to.... it means that our roots are becoming more firmly planted in Oregon soil, and this will be the place our children grow up in. While this was always the plan when Nate got his job, it just seemed so far away. Now that we have been here awhile and we have started looking at places to raise our family, it's hard to believe that we've come to this time in our lives.
     Housing in Oregon is a little different than Utah, and I can't quite get used to the homes and the look of homes here. Property taxes are pricey (for a .05 acre lot, they run anywhere from $1900-$2500), so you can imagine how much taxes are on a bigger lot (let's just say, it's a little more than we can afford). Also, homes here aren't very big. The average size is about 1400 sq. feet, with no basement (it's too wet and moldy) with 3 bedrooms 2 bathrooms. Homes under $200,000 typically come with 3 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms. No family room, no office or den, no extras. I also didn't want a home that had to have any repairs made to it. I just want to move in and enjoy my home. I'm fine with painting and maybe replacing the kitchen cabinet fixtures, but nothing more than that.
     So, we contacted a lady in our ward who is a realtor, and we set out on the home finding adventure. And let me tell you, it has been an adventure. We have walked into tons of homes, and I cannot believe how some people live! I mean, I'm not the cleanest person on the planet, but these people live like slobs. There were a couple of homes that I didn't even let my girls touch anything in. Ugh. I am shivering just thinking about it.
     I had pretty much given up our search when our realtor let us know about a home that was going to be re-listed. The home is in our current ward, and is being sold by a lady that I serve with on the Enrichment committee. In fact, our realtor is also the one selling the other home. This home is beautiful and has been well maintained.... and it has been for sale for awhile, it was just a little out of our price range. When I heard what the new price was, my jaw dropped! About a week later, Nate and I put an offer on it.
     Now, it's a short sale, so the buyers have accepted our offer, now the bank just has to accept our offer. According to our realtor, everything is moving quite smoothly, which is pleasant.  It is a townhome, but what I love about this little community is there is a swimming pool, playground, clubhouse, and gym. Plus, several members of our ward live there, so I will already know a lot of my neighbors! :) We won't know for a couple of months if we get the house or not, so in the meantime, I just sit and stare at the beautiful pictures and try to imagine where all my furniture would go. :)

Yay! It has a garage... and the garage has tons of built in shelves for storage!

Yay! There's already a place for a little garden! 

I would plant some grass around the garden plots....

Yay! There are two side windows by the front door!

Yay! There is a microwave above the stove, which free's up counter space!

And you all know how much I hate having cluttered kitchen counters...

it drives me insane to have tons of stuff on the counters....

grrr.....

Oh, and yay! There's a pantry!
Oh, and yay! ALL APPLIANCES ARE INCLUDED!
Yes, that means stove, microwave, fridge, washer, and dryer.

The only thing I don't love is there isn't really a lot of space for the kitchen table...

but when a well maintained home comes available at this price, 

there are a couple of things you have to live without...

Yay! I imagine having a TV hung there....

you know, for when we actually get a flat screen TV,

which we're thinking is going to be sometime very soon...

our TV is on the fritz!

Yay! A hallway!

Yay! The Master Bedroom!

Yay! The Master Bathroom!

Yay! A soaker tub!

Yay! A. Walk. In. Closet! I'm in heaven!

Yay! The first bedroom! The girls will share this room...

Yay! The second bedroom! It will serve as our office/craft room for the next couple of years...

YAY! An actual laundry room!

No more washers in the kitchen (like student housing)

and no more washers in the hallway closet (like our current apartment).

There is an ACTUAL space for laundry, and ACTUAL cupboards to put 

all my cleaning supplies and laundry stuff...

Oh happy day!

Yay! For the upstairs bathroom...

There is a half bath on the bottom floor, there just isn't a pic of it...

     I know it may not seem much to some of you, but we would be beyond thrilled to live here. Of course, it wouldn't be our permanent home... we would probably live here for the next 5 years or so and then probably rent it out. These townhomes are close to the MAX station, so they rent extremely easy, and people rent these for more than what our mortgage would be.
     We are nervous/scared/excited/happy to have the possibility of owning a home. We just have to be extremely patient for the next couple of months to see what the bank says...