Today is Halle's Birthday

     Today is my little Halle's birthday. She's 2. I definitely wasn't prepared for the emotions I have been feeling all day. Halle's no longer a baby, she's a toddler. A fiesty, spunky, spirited toddler who has now decided she only wants to sleep in a big girl bed and who crumbles waffles all over the living room floor. (Thank heavens for vacuums!) All day long I have been just looking at her and just marveling at how sweet she is. I have also been thinking of all the events that led up to her being here. As you know, she was quite a surprise. It took me awhile to get used to the idea that I was pregnant again. I somehow knew she was a girl. Then, she decided she wanted to come waaaay earlier than expected. She has always done things on her own time. She decided to sit up at 8 months, start crawling around 11 months, and finally decided she wanted to walk the day before she turned 18 months. And yes, I say DECIDED because it was really her decision.
     I woke up at 6:45 this morning and couldn't help but think that exactly 2 years ago, I was getting an epidural. I had been rushed into the triage room and the anesthesiologist hurried and jammed the epidural in before my platelets got too low. He had a really hard time because I was swollen, but that's not his fault. :) I was also puking and shaking and bawling. They had also started me on magnesium sulfate which made me feel like poo. I couldn't focus my eyes and moving was a chore. But it was necessary, so what else was I to do?
     Then around 10:15 a.m. I got the urgency to push. Everyone kept telling me to hold on, but I couldn't. Halle came out in 2 very, very quick pushes and was whisked off to NICU. (See, she came on her own terms! Sheesh!) I didn't get to hold her that day. I was wheeled to the NICU and I could only stand to be out of my bed for 5 minutes. So, that's how long I saw her for.

     She stayed in the NICU for a week. It hurt not to go home with a baby in my arms. But it was for the best. I went to my mom's and stayed the week. I was able to just rest and do nothing because Nate had taken Ava up to the cabin.
     When we were finally able to bring her home, it was a nightmare. Since she was a preemie, she had to eat every 2 hours.  I would bottle feed her (which took about an hour for every 2 oz she ate) and then would I would pump for about 15 minutes. I would sleep for 45 minutes and wake up and do the whole routine again. Every other bottle had to be fortified with some high calorie formula, so I had to track that as well. The first week she was home, I was a living zombie. My blood-pressure was still extremely high and nothing was bringing it down. Finally after going to the doctor every day for 5 days, she decided to switch my meds and prescribed me some heavy duty sleeping pills and instructed me that "my sweetie" (yup, that's what she called Nate.) had to stay up and take care of Halle while I got a good night's sleep.

     Over the next few months, things got a lot better. But I can finally say that after 2 years, I am finally feeling "normal". My headaches aren't as frequent, my epidural site no longer throbs, and even my numbness comes and goes.
     I look back and look at the miracles in my life, and definitely count Halle as one of them. One of my friends (who happens to be a nurse at the U of U's NICU) told me, "You would never know she was a preemie... You did a good job!" I asked her what she meant, and she said, "Preemies are a lot of hard work. They take a lot more out of you than just a normal baby." And I would have to agree. There were times when I was purely in survival mode. But, I had a great husband, fantastic parents and in-laws, and awesome friends helping me.
     I love Miss Halle. I love her little chicken legs that are slightly bowed. I love her expressions. I love her wispy light blonde hair. I love her deep blue eyes (which always get compliments from people). I love the way she talks. I'm glad we've had the past two years together, and I just can't wait to watch her grow.