Thoughts 'n' Things

I might as well get it in the open, now that I am finally out of shock and am dealing with things. Yes, I'm pregnant. Surprise!! Well, it was a huge surprise to Nate and me. Probably the last thing on earth that we expected, and it's now taken 5 days to sink in. Well, for me at least it's been 5 days. Nate still doesn't know what to think. :) I don't know why I felt hesitant to tell people, and I don't know why I felt like I needed to keep it from people. I think the majority of it is I know how badly some people want to have a baby and can't have them and then Nate and I aren't even trying and we get pregnant. I wonder why it's so easy for me and not for others. My heart goes out to you ladies who are trying. It really does. I want you to know that you have courage, bravery, and patience. Things that I probably won't ever posess.
So, now that I'm dealing with things, I'm starting to get excited. I'm due the middle to end of September.... oh it seems so far away. I don't feel pregnant yet. I don't have morning sickness, I'm not nauseous (or however you spell that dang word), I'm not moody (well, not anything more than I normally am). However, I am a little worn out by the end of the day and I do have an extremely magnified sense of smell. That's it.

A couple of weeks ago, Nate and I were asked to be the Ma and Pa of our ward for our stake's Youth Conference. The bishop said that he knew we were inspired to be called. We have a huge responsibility to prepare our youth physically and spiritually for this trek. Ideas have all ready started flowing and Nate and I were excersing 3 times a week and doing crunches and pushups every night to prepare ourselves, and then we get this surprising news that we're having a baby. Maybe that's another reason I was hesitant to tell people. We told our bishop (who is also the trekmaster for this trek) and he was a little nervous. But I know that Nate and I are supposed to go on this trek, it'll just take a little more preparation from us. I know I can walk this trek. Sure, I'll be 7 months prego, but if the pioneers can do it, so can I.

So, needless to say, this little surprise has changed our whole plans. I will no longer go to school after this semester. I would like to have the summer to prepare for the baby and to spend as much time as possible with Ava and getting her ready. We will have to move her to a big girl bed and potty train her. I DO NOT want 2 kids in diapers. I just want to be with her instead of worrying about school. Nate will probably go to school this summer so that he can finish up with his bachelor's this winter and start on his master's in the spring.

Sometimes I wonder if my body can handle this again. Not that my pregnancy with Ava was difficult, in fact it was pretty easy... it's the labor and delivery part that scares me. I am having a hard time visualizing how I'm going to take care of 2 kids. How can I love this baby as much as I love Ava? I guess my heart will just have to grow. :) I know Ava will be a big help. She loves babies. And, she's very good at minding me. She knows where to put her bib away, and she knows where the garbage is and will put things in there when I ask her to. She knows where to go to brush her teeth and to take a bath. She also runs to the door when I say we're going outside. She also is a big helper. She helps me unload the dishwasher and load it back up again. She's in charge of the utensils (minus the knives and forks) and helps me dust and wash the cupboards. She is such a big girl!

Please don't ever think that I'm ungrateful for this opportunity to have another child. I know that this baby is supposed to come at this time and that it's waiting patiently to come to earth. Being a mother is the greatest blessing I've ever had. No amount of money or schooling will ever compare to the love I have for my little girl and for this baby.