Three's A Crowd!

     Yes, you are seeing that little picture correctly... Cash Baby #3 is due early December. Yes, I am just as shocked at you are! And since we announced it on April Fools Day, here is the proof that it's really true...

     I know, I'm not to keen on posting a stick that I peed on, but it's proof, and I need to look at it over and over again so that I know I'm not going crazy. 

     Wow, my emotions are all over the place as I think of adding another child to our family... and without going into too many details, all I know is that God directly had a hand in this baby, and that he/she is meant to be here at this time. For the past 5 months, Nate and I haven't really been preventing a baby, but we haven't been actively trying either. If it happened, it happened. If not, then that's ok. But it happened, and we are excited. 

     I suspected I was preggers when I was making cake balls, and they looked disgusting. Then, as I was trying to make dinner, it all just sounded awful.... and for those of you who know me, disliking food is terribly abnormal for me! I love ALL food and ALL sweets... but I just couldn't bring myself to eat a cake ball! Then, my mind started thinking.... and thinking.... and calculating.... so I put a pregnancy test on my shopping list for the next day. Well, as I was searching under my bathroom sink for a bandaid, I found a spare test. Then, the internal struggle started....

 I started thinking...

 "Should I, or shouldn't I?

 I've taken tons of pregnancy tests before, and they were all negative... 

This one is bound to be negative too, so why waste this one test?

 But I just need to put my mind at ease!

 Maybe I should just wait a couple of days for Ms. Flo to show up.

But I can't wait that long!

I have to know!"

And on and on my internal struggle went for a good 15 minutes! Ugh, it was agony! But my curiosity won over, and I took the test. And then I gasped at the results. And then I emailed Nate. And then he emailed me back with a bunch of smiley faces. And then everything made sense... the bloating feeling, the exhaustion... and everything else that accompanies pregnancy...

      As I went through the day, I realized just how much I needed Ava's help to do stuff for me. I kept telling her that I was sick and needed her help, but she just didn't seem to grasp the concept of actually helping me. I didn't want to tell her I was pregnant, because I didn't want her telling all of her friends at preschool, but I knew that she would be more willing to help me once she knew there was a baby in my tummy. Why? Because she's only been praying for a baby for the past year, and everytime she makes a wish, she wishes for a baby.... so I told her. I said, "Ava, Mommy needs your help because there is a baby in my tummy." Her eyes got super wide, and she exclaimed, "Mom! There's a baby in your tummy!!!!!" A couple of days later, she told me that Heavenly Father answered her prayers. That was such a sweet comment... to hear her say that she knows Heavenly Father listened to her. *Sigh* It made my day. 

     So far, I've just been super tired. I wake up around 7:30 a.m., and by 10:00 a.m., I am desperately ready for a nap. I'm a little sick in the mornings, but come night time when I lay down, that's when the nausea hits. I also just feel super bloated, and I've been living in leggings or pajama pants. Cooking is a chore, because nothing sounds good, but when I see something, I want it! But then I take a couple of bites, and I'm done. The only thing that sounds good is chicken dipped in honey mustard. So, I've had a chicken sandwich with honey mustard sauce from Subway and chicken nuggets dipped in honey mustard. Salads with honey mustard dressing are a must!! I know that I'm still early in the pregnancy, and I'm waiting for the symptoms to go full blown within the next couple of weeks.

     Today, I'm about 4 weeks and 1 day. I know that a lot of couples choose to wait until the 1st trimester is over to announce their pregnancy, but if anything happened within the next several weeks, I wouldn't  want to go through it alone. I would need the emotional support of our parents, and I would need my friends/ward members to take my kids... so I figured they might as well know. 

     As I've thought more about having a baby, the one thing that's constantly on my mind is... I don't know if I can handle another delivery like Halle's. That little girl put my body through the ringer, and I don't know if I can do it again. When I went into labor with her, between the sobbing, puking, shaking, and doctors in and out of my room, I distinctly remember telling Nate that I can't do this again. There is no way that I can have another baby. I can't deal with another preemie... I can't deal with the crappy magnesium they gave me during labor. I can't deal with all the emotions that accompanied her delivery...I can't deal leaving my baby in the NICU and coming home empty handed.... I can't deal with all the problems the epidural gave me... but somehow I know that if things are like they were with Halle, that Heavenly Father will give me strength, and we'll get through it.

     So, here's to Baby #3 and hoping that I have a healthy pregnancy!!