This Week

     This week has been one of ups and downs. Mostly ups, with a couple of downs.... One of the best ups... watching my girls swim! It was a little hot on Wednesday (around 80ish) and my friends invited us to go swimming. We had a blast! It was so fun to watch Ava learn to go under water, and to watch Halle fearlessly jump in the pool! My girls are little fishes, let me tell you. The next day, Ava asked if we could go swimming again. It was a little cold and overcast, and there was a good chance of rain, so I told her I didn't think we could go. About 10 minutes later, she came back and asked me again, and I gave her the same exact answer, but then she said to me, "But I prayed to Heavenly Father that He would change the weather!" I couldn't help but smile at her simple faith. To know that Ava knows she can pray to her Heavenly Father any time, about anything, was a very rewarding moment for me. But there was also a great teaching opportunity to teach her that Heavenly Father doesn't always answer our prayers the way we want Him to. And if things don't turn out the way you thought, it doesn't mean He's not listening, it just means that there is a different answer.
     This is something I learned on a much larger scale the next day. You see, Nate and I have been searching for another place to live (we withdrew the offer on our house awhile ago) before this baby gets here. Nothing was coming up in our price range. Finally, a family in our ward informed us that they had put an offer on a house and it had been accepted, and they wanted to know if we would like to rent their townhome. Because they know us, we would put down a low deposit (only $600 instead the usual $1200) and they told us what the rent would be. Well, it was a little high for us, and we told them we wish we could, but our budget just isn't going to allow it. The price they were asking was the asking rate, so it's not like they were asking a for a ridiculous amount... it was just a little higher than we can afford right now.
     They told us they were willing to negotiate the rent price because if we didn't rent the home, then they would go through a rental agency that would take at least 10% of the monthly rent, so they offered us a price that was within our budget, but it would be a stretch. Because I am so desperate to get out of this apartment, we took the offer.
     I am not going to lie, it worried me a little to accept that offer, because there would be no room for going out, or anything to go wrong with our finances. If we needed to go to the doctor's, or the car needed to be fixed, we wouldn't have the money... but like I said, I really don't want to raise 3 kids in this 2 bedroom apartment.
     But just as Ava learned that sometimes Heavenly Father has different plans for the weather, He also has a different plan for me. The other family called this week and said their offer fell through, and we won't be able to rent the townhome. Secretly, I was relieved. Sure, we have a 2 bedroom apartment, but there is wiggle room in our budget. We still have a small amount in savings that can be used for a rainy day, and not for a deposit on some place. We will have money to pay for this baby, and to make sure we have everything we need, since we got rid of all our baby stuff before moving up here.
      I've really been humbled... I never thought I'd have 3 kids in a little apartment. I always thought that after Nate graduates that we would be able to get a house, and that we wouldn't have to worry about watching every single penny that goes in and out of our little bank account. I'm not going to lie, I look around at all my friends who have homes and nice cars and fancy phones and have their kids in all sorts of classes, and it's really hard not to want those things. But the reality is we have to live within our means, and right now, our means don't allow for some things.
     So, as much as I pressed to buy a house (which fell through) and to rent a bigger home (which also fell through), I have accepted the fact that we have what we have, and I'm gonna make do. Friday, I spent the day cleaning and weeding out all the junk we've collected over the year, and reorganizing the girls room to make room for baby stuff... If I can't change things, I might as well work with what I've got.
     I don't know what's in store for us... I know we've decided to not move until Nate gets a raise, whenever that will be. Yeah, that's been another lesson for me to learn... patience. Grrr! You see, at Nate's work, they don't give annual reviews or raises... You just get a raise when you get one. You also don't ask for a raise... they frown on that. We were just told that we will be well taken care of, and that money isn't an object. So, we are just sitting tight until then...
     Please don't think that I'm ungrateful, or completely wordly... I'm just simply struggling. It's hard when things go differently than you expected, and to realize that I'm not in control.  I do recognize the many blessings in my life, and all that I have been given, and when I look back over the past 6 years, I know the Lord has provided for my family daily. Having our children, and being able for Nate to get a graduate degree, and now Nate having a job, has all been possible because the Lord is mindful of our needs. I know that one day I'll look back and think of all that I've learned, and be grateful. But for right now, Ava and I have the same prayer... to make the rain and clouds go away, and to have the sunshine come out again.